The one about…a spiritual force.

There’s a relationship of energy that runs through the universe, a force that courses through all the systems, networks and connections in existence, driving them to continually go beyond themselves, to keep becoming something more.

The bible, in all its poetic, pre-scientific understanding seemed to grasp something of the concept of spirit; a force or energy at work in the world continually moving humanity beyond its current understanding. We often use the word God. The ancient biblical manuscript defines God as spirit and love. Love can therefore be understood as a divine energy or a supernatural force. Love is ultimate reality. Love guides us, love shows us the way, love holds us, love wins, love overcomes, love forgives, love accepts, love welcomes, love gives of itself but never runs out, love finds us, love overwhelms us, love says you are enough, love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.*

Love has always existed, in the beginning love was and love will always be.

What if we really believed in love? Would that have the capacity to change how we relate to those around us? Would love bring to life all those qualities we associate with it like joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness? What if love enables us to live out the qualities and characteristics that bring us together, that enable humanity to get along? What if all these characteristics bring unity?

So it follows that characteristics which aren’t loving; like distrust, hatred, jealousy, envy, theft, pride or immorality; that these are ways of being in the world that cause us to stagnate, to retreat back within ourselves or to be ashamed. These are ways of being that cause division. They are not qualities that move us forwards towards unity but actually are qualities that tear us apart and cause us to isolate ourselves from the rest of humanity.

What if love, in response, has the ability to meet us in those places and spaces that we’re finding difficult? What if love meets us in moments of shame, fear or isolation? What if love call us out of those circumstances that are causing us to disconnect? What if love is present in whatever we’re battling with; self harm, depression, alcohol, unemployment, lack of identity or purpose, the mundane, children, or just the everyday, and what if love has the ability to call us on, through, beyond those experiences or moments and offer us a different way of being in the world?

What if love really does move us forwards? What if God really is love? What if you go back an re-read this blog changing the word “love” to “God”?

What if God then becomes a force for good rather than a force that causes division or a concept that creates arguments? What if God stops being someone or something certain groups have a monopoly over or something we’re obliged to pacify? What if God could actually unite us? What if God could be a force that inspires us or a way of life that we’d choose to follow?

What if God and love become more interchangeable in our understanding of the universe and of ourselves?

N/b What if you spend hours working on a blog and then your husband reads you a quote from Richard Rohrs daily meditations:

Raimon Panikkar’s word cosmotheandric is the fusion of cosmos (world), theos (God), and andros (man) and suggests a continuous intercirculation among these three distinct planes of existence in a single motion of self-communicating love. —Cynthia Bourgeault

What if there really is something in all of this?

*some of this taken from 1 Corinthians 13…one of the most popular wedding bible readings!

The one about…an open letter!

Dear God, the Source, the Divine, the Universe, Mystery, Energy, Spirit, Love.

I wrote an open letter to the Secretary of State for Education this week. I wrote the letter because my children have found themselves caught in a system which wasn’t speaking truth over them. It made me wonder how many people are caught up in a world where the truth about who they really are is not told. So God, I’m looking to you for some wisdom.

According to the government of this country my four year old is a failure. He can’t write a simple sentence without support so apparently he’s failing. He’s four and that’s the message they’re giving him?

I am grateful that he has a teacher who will never utter those lies over him; she will never tell him that he’s not good enough. She will speak only good things over him because she is a good person. Yet she is required to constantly assess and measure the children in her care, comparing them all against criteria that doesn’t value who they are.

I used to think that you placed similar measures on humanity, that you constantly assessed the ways we do or don’t measure up, that you kept some eternal league score of who’s in and who’s out, who’s good and who is not good enough.

There are generations of people who believe that in the eyes of the universe they are not good enough, who believe they don’t measure up, who believe that they won’t succeed.

I don’t buy into that particular understanding of you anymore so in the same way that I won’t stand by silently and let my children be told that they are failing or that they won’t succeed I also won’t stand by and let humanity continue to believe that you think they are failing or unsuccessful.

We want mental health issues to decrease, we want unemployment to reduce, we want violence and terrorism to stop; but until we inspire and encourage each other to believe that you speak only good over us, and in turn learn to speak only good over each other, we will not be a people who thrive. Until we start to believe that you believe in us and then begin to believe in who we are, celebrate what we can do and have the courage to try what we can’t, without fear of judgement from you or each other, we will not be a people that experience life in all it’s fullness.

It starts from the moment life begins and living from this place of belief, aspiration and encouragement needs to continue until we are all equipped to love each other and the world.

The way we understand you and each other needs to be drastically reconsidered so that we take the pressure off our misinformed definitions of success and failure and allow ourselves to get on with living and loving alongside all the incredibly creative, naturally inquisitive and highly capable people in our world.

Any help in letting the world know very gratefully received!

Yours, always…

Deb x

The one about…comparison.

“Don’t worry about what he’s doing, just enjoy what you’re doing and let him do his thing!”

I listened to the advice I was giving to my squabbling children and laughed to myself at my own inability to follow it!

I’m good at comparison, which sucks because it doesn’t actually do me any good. It destroys any healthy perspective I have of my own life and skews the view the lives of those around me. It seems I’m often unable to see the awesome truths about my own world because I’m so busy looking at everyone else’s. It’s almost as if the more I compare the more I need to compare until I find a comparison that makes me feel better about myself!

I’d love to live from a place of security, knowing that I was good enough, clever enough, pretty enough, successful enough, rich enough; that who I was and all I had was enough. Regardless of how that measured up to Facebook, Instagram, my neighbours or even my husband; whatever scale I’m currently choosing to compare my life to! Imagine if I was able to live life content with who I am and what I have.

I often wonder why I have a problem with comparison. Maybe it’s a simple lack of self esteem or maybe it’s born out of dissatisfaction with where my life is at. I had a friend share a quote she’d heard which basically said “dissatisfaction is key to our evolution” and I guess maybe there’s something about a state of discontent that does drive us forward into new things. I guess it’s OK to be discontent with how things are and allow that to inspire change, that must be different from a comparison to how others are which makes you want to change?

It seems that so often I live life from a place of lack or scarcity rather than abundance and generosity. The religion I grew up with started from a point of lack, loss, failure and separation; as though humanity was birthed into scarcity. Stories of generosity and extravagance had been retold focussing on what was lost or what was missing. The role of religion was generally to remind you that you weren’t enough, that you lacked something; that ultimately you had fallen short of perfection and weren’t good enough for God! What I’m learning is that actually true religion starts from a place of extravagance, prodigality, abundance and generosity. I’m slowly realising that there’s a force, an energy, a Divine Spirit at work in the universe which cries out “I am always with you and all I have is yours”, that phrase echoes through creation, it’s evident in every season, which means that I don’t need to worry about having enough or being enough because there is always enough. It’s not just material wealth like money and possessions that I become fearful or possessive about but also love and joy and fun and laughter. What if I’m reluctant to celebrate the success and happiness of others because deep within I believe that there’s a limit to the amount of joy there is to go around? What if I’m jealous of the success of others because in some strange way I think that their success restricts the success that might come my way! Sounds a little crazy?! Maybe, but why else would I feel a little envious that they got to buy that house together, or that he got that job, or that she gets to go to that party? What is it that stops me being simply happy for others in their moments of excitement and happiness? If I genuinely begin to believe in a benevolent universe, a Divine being that is totally for humanity, then my need to compare or measure myself against others will diminish because I’ll know that I have access to all I need and that I am enough!

That’s my bag! But as a wise person said earlier this week:

The particular is always universal, it’s like you’re hearing this person talk about the situation they’re in and you realise ‘oh lots of people know what this is about’, it’s like if you go far enough into yourself you find everybody!*

So while this is where I’m at, maybe it’s not just me!

*Rob Bell on The Robcast Episode 231: An Anatomy of Restlesness!

The one about…believing!

It’s Christmas! It really is!! The music, the lights, the tinsel; the presents wrapped, food bought, cards written, nativity plays done, stockings hung…and now the final details come together to create the magic we love to believe in, as we wait to see what unfolds.

We watched a movie about two siblings experiencing Christmas after the death of their dad; the girl trying desperately to hold onto the magic while her older brother gets in with the wrong crowd and becomes angry, distant and cold. That is until they meet Santa. The theme that underpins the whole movie is “belief” and at Christmas there is so much to believe in…cheeky little elves who choose a family to spend December with, flying reindeer and of course the jolly bearded man himself. Then there’s all the details; the reindeer eating carrots and glittered oats, Father Christmas nibbling mince pies and drinking the milk or whisky! There’s the questions of how he gets it all done in one night and of how he gets in, even if you have a chimney! The whole thing is encapsulated in awe, wonder and mystery!

The Christmas experience requires belief. Even if we don’t “believe” anymore it seems that somehow, in some mysterious way, we do believe; we believe in the love that’s shared, the joy and delight it brings or at the very least we believe in creating the magic for others. We believe in Christmas!

Children are good at believing all year; the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the God character, heaven and hell…they immerse themselves in believing! Yet as adults we’re often quick to dismiss those things as childhood fantasies or ideologies we outgrew. But what if believing isn’t some childish, immature craze that we grow out of but a skill, an art form, an ability we should hone, one that is fundamental to human flourishing!

In ‘The Christmas Chronicles’, Santa Claus declares that:

People need Christmas to remind themselves of how good they can be.

I see what he’s saying, and I’d never want to contradict the big man but what if we need Christmas not just to be reminded of how good we can be but to be reminded of how good life can be?

There’s something about choosing to believe in the good that enables us to overcome doubt and suspicion. At Christmas we seem to make that choice more readily. We all know that that the reality of life is often brutal and painful. There’s way too much sadness and hopelessness in our world. We read it in the news, we see it in our communities and we know it within ourselves. Yet the choice to believe allows us, even if only for brief moments, to dream; to hope; to live.

What if, when we believe, the world becomes alive with possibilities? Some of the things we believed in as children we know to be from a world of fantasty yet what if to dismiss all of it leaves us sceptical, suspicious and somewhat sad. What if to loose that sense of mystery and magic means we loose our ability to see beyond what ‘is’ into what ‘could be’? What if so often we parcel up all thoughts of soul and spirit, of awe and wonder and put them away with the Christmas decorations as though they are only allowed to dance when Santa and his elves make an appearance?

What if as we shift our focus towards that baby born as a refugee, living his first years with a very real threat of death we see within his unfolding story a way of life that brought reconciliation, restoration, hope and love? What if we believe that the birth of that baby, at the very least, is symbolic of life, new beginnings and new possibilities?

What if Christmas is God’s way of saying “I believe in humanity”?What if at Christmas we hear the universe whisper “I believe in you”? What if knowing someone or something believes in us changes everything? What if Christmas is a reminder to us of how life could be if we believed in the mystery, and the magic; in love, in the goodness of others and in ourselves? What if believing in ourselves and others is how we’re then inspired to bring light to the world?

The one about…love (again?)

“Marian Diamond, one of the grandes dames of neuroscience, is known for her work on how experience molds brains…to develop properly, she told us, the brain must have certain experiences: good diet, exercise for good blood flow, challenges and love.

‘You know, I say that part about love in all my lectures and the men all laugh. They are scientists and they know it’s true, but they won’t say it,’ she said, as she carefully tucked the brain back in its tupperware bowl and closed the lid on the flowered hatbox. ‘Then, after the lectures, you know what those men want? They all want a hug,'”*

I’ve been reading a book called ‘Why are they so weird? What’s really going on in a teenagers brain.’ It’s a fascinating read and helpful as I attempt to navigate life with my tribe…but those paragraphs really connected with me. Love, it seems is really quite important, even the scientists agree!

But why? What is it about love that’s so important? What does love even look like? Is it that warm, fuzzy feeling we get when all is well in our “world”? Do I only feel it when the children are happy/ healthy/ behaving? Do they only feel loved when I say “I love you” or hug them or buy them something? I’m told God loves me and Sid says he loves me but what difference does that make when I’ve been yelled at about an unwashed PE kit, the missing script for the play, a forgotten water bottle and the inconvenience of putting shoes on, all in the space of half an hour! The barrage of abuse can leave you feeling drained, especially when your two year old wouldn’t sleep and you spent most of the night in bed with him. Where does love feature in that!? I’m feeling something but I’m not sure it’s love! So what is this love thing? Does love change anything when your world is shaken or when the story that’s unfolding is not what you hoped for and it hurts? What does love look like and does it make a difference? Those have been my thoughts since I wrote the last blog.

A guy called Pete Rollins writes a lot about love (and I mean a lot…he has such mind blowing philosophical theological way of attempting to understand life…read his books…honestly!) He wrote this:

Love is the crazy, mad, and perhaps ridiculous gesture of saying yes to life, of seeing it as worthy of our embrace and even worthy of our total sacrifice.*2

What does it mean to say yes to life, to embrace life? Maybe we say “yes” when we get up, carry on, force a smile, stop and take a breath, slow down, make that phone call, change that plan, have that conversation, give that hug, write that message, mop that floor, open those curtains, the list could go on. I don’t know what saying “yes” looks like for you or how you embrace life but it often requires something more of us, we often have to dig deep and find an energy we didn’t know we had…and that energy? Love? What if there’s something powerful about saying yes to life, despite the tears, the fear, the uncertainty, because as we do, this force we call love transcends the moment?

What if love, actively choosing life, saying “yes” and embracing life, keeps these momentary (although sometimes seemingly eternal) problems, fears, frustrations, heartbreaks, in their place? In some senses all that we have is this moment, the past had gone and the future is unknown no matter how much we think we know. But what if we find each ‘now’, each moment, features in a bigger story at work in the world, a story which is more than the now, a story bigger than any one moment, or person, or power, or government, or leader, or illness, or celebrity, or prisoner, or child, or mother, or father, or sister, or brother or even death? A story that is held by love, a story which has existed from the beginning and continues into forever. What if in that story love has the first and the final say, we just get to play our part, and our part makes the story interesting but it isn’t the whole story!

Love then is not something we own, or something we wait to receive. Love is not something that relies on there being another to love. Love certainly isn’t just a word.

Peter Rollins suggests:

God is not approached as an object that we must love, but as a mystery present in the very act of love itself.

What if love is not something that is given but rather is understood as an action, or an attitude to life; and in that act of love we say yes to life, in that expression of love we recognise life as worthy of giving our deepest self to, sometimes in the inconvenience and the rethinking of plans because sometimes love requires us to sacrifice one way for a new way. As we love, as we give of ourselves to that moment and find ourselves in the bigger story, that’s when the mystery is manifest, the force, spirit, energy, divine otherness, God becomes more tangible, more real. That’s where we find that “God’s love” really does make a difference and “God’s love” changes everything because God is love.

*All credit to Barbara Strauch for her research and writing!

*2 The Idolatry of God: Breaking our addiction to certainty and satisfaction.

The one about…fear!

I knew it was going to be ‘one of those evenings’ when she said she couldn’t get to sleep! The wind was unusually strong, and eerily loud, especially through the huge yew trees which stood at the top of the garden.

“It’s just the wind”…I tried desperately to play it down but it didn’t help that last winter a large branch had fallen and narrowly missed the van parked on the driveway. I knew my attempts to convince her that it was ‘just a bit windy’ weren’t going to make any difference, no matter how many distraction techniques I tried!

I’d had about half an hour to myself, I don’t think I ask for much, just a little time to gather my thoughts, process the day and just be me once they’re all in bed…but best laid plans and all that! I took a breath and tried not to sound irritated, she was genuinely scared… “Ok, get into my bed, I’ll sit in there with you!” That was my evening gone!

I checked the oldest three were settled, and the rest were asleep. I put the dog to bed and texted Sid (he was out with friends) to warn him there was a child in his bed and he’d have to jump into hers when he returned, then I got into bed, the wind still howling…she took my hand and gripped it and then, within minutes I felt her grip loosen and her body relax, she slept…

It was the most beautiful moment. All my irritation and disappointment about “my time” melted away as I watched her sleep. The wind still howled, the trees still swayed and I was very aware that there’d be nothing I could do if they did fall on the house…but somehow I made her feel safe, somehow me being there was enough.

There were many things I thought about in that moment. I wondered why I’d got so precious about my time? (Had I not learnt that time is prodigal?!) Did I think I deserved an evening to myself, like it was something I’d earnt! Did I think I could clock out of parenting at 8:30pm because most of them were in bed? Had I learnt nothing in fourteen years!! There’s always another evening and I do know parenting is 24/7… it’s not like our youngest let’s me forget that!

I think the thing that bemused me most was the trust my daughter had in me, she found security and safety, not because I could change anything, but just because she knew I loved her. It was almost as if, in that moment, love overcame fear; as if love drove the fear out; as if love left no room for fear to exist.

I know that much of the fear in our world could be overcome if we learnt to love others rather than hate or distrust them. I know that some fear is irrational and can be negated by logic and self-talk. But what about the fears that are deeply personal, the fears that haunt us about who we are, where we’re going and how this is all going to end? How do we face those fears?

It seems sometimes we distract ourselves from those fears; we shop, we work, we socialise, we watch TV, we read books, we flick through social media, the list could go on and none of the things we do are wrong or bad in moderation, but they can become avoidance techniques and in the long run they’re about as useful as me trying to play the ‘Greatest Showman’ soundtrack to my daughter to drown out the wind!

The fear doesn’t go, it might be numbed or hushed for a while but often, deep within, our soul is still troubled, still uneasy, still fearful, no matter how much we try to avoid it. Admitting the fear exists is painful, it leaves us vulnerable. Maybe acknowledging that our soul needs to be held; that what’s deepest within us needs to connect to someone or something else; that our truest reality needs to know love, is the start to working with that fear.

Maybe that’s why the bible talks of God as love. What if in that moment where I held my daughter’s hand, the mystery that we call God; that divine force; that love; became a very present reality? What if it’s love that both awakens and calms our soul? What if love is one way we experience the something that is outside of us, something we know to be true but can’t always define? What if God really is love and love really does exist!

The one about…the prodigal pine cone!

Did you know that pine trees produce male and female pinecones? The female cones carry the seeds, and each female seedcone has two seeds in each of its scales…I tried to count the scales, there are a lot! There are a lot of pine cones on a tree (although apparently they take 2-3 years to grow so a tree never sheds all its pine cones at once!)…that said, that’s a lot of seeds from one tree! Pine trees are prodigal with seeds…doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue does it but there’s something about that word ‘PRODIGAL’…
prod·i·gal

adjective

1. spending money or using resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant.

2. Having or giving something on a lavish scale.

Nature is prodigal, it’s also messy but it’s more than just mess, it’s lavish and extravagant and bountiful…which can also seem wasteful and excessive and imprudent! There’s something about the mess that is extravagantly excessive!

Yet we so often forget that the forces which surround us, whether we see that as a force of nature or a divine force, are excessive and bountiful and extravagant. Instead we live with scarcity.

Lynne Twist, in her book called ‘The Soul of Money’ writes

For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it… before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are reaching with a litany of what we get, or didn’t get done, that day….This internal condition of scarcity lives at the very heart of our jealousy, our greed, our prejudices, and our arguments with life…(pg 43-45)

Scarcity; restricted quantity, not enough, shortage, lack…those are the beliefs that permeate our culture! We’re constantly bombarded with messages that tell us time is running out, that encourage us to ‘get it before it’s gone’ or taunt us with that ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’…we stock up for Christmas even though shops are only closed for a day or we start shopping in September because the shelves are full and whispering to us that we’ll not get it all done in time!

If it’s not time that’s scarce then it’s resources, or hope, or joy. Have you ever been in a conversation where it seems as though the other person is trying to out do you on how busy they’ve been or how hard their day was? Like the scene from Notting Hill where they try to prove they have the ‘saddest act’ to get the last brownie. There’s something about a ‘being hard done by’ attitude that is fed by feelings of scarcity because the flip side is celebration of all there is and all we have. It’s as though scarcity feeds some kind of fear. This fear tells us that if I actually admit I’m happy, excited, joyful it might change or the fear suggests that this moment might be part of my happiness quota so I’d best not waste it on enjoying doing homework with the kids!

It seems we’re good at scarcity which is maybe why there’s a story in the bible, often called the prodigal son. The son is prodigal because he takes his inheritance before his father dies and wastes it on ‘wild living’ (whatever that is?!). He’s reckless and excessive, and so eventually the money goes and with it the friends he’d made until he’s left feeding pigs (not the top job in Jewish culture!!). The son ‘comes to his senses’ and returns to his father, ready with a speech about how wrong he’s been and how he doesn’t deserve anything…but the father, the prodigal father, lavishes gifts and unstinting celebration on his returning son.

It’s a feel good story of forgiveness and welcome and generosity… (although the actual ending is a bit obscure; there’s a jealous older brother who’s reluctant to accept the prodigals and we’re not told the outcome of that!) The story would of played havoc with the culture of the day, was Jesus actually suggesting that God could be that reckless and extravagant and excessive??

The thing is, all of creation points to a God that is just that, a God, a force, a power that gives without measure, that suggests there is enough to go around and that time is eternal…this power, this force invites us in to a flow, or a dance of extravagance rather than scarcity, of celebration rather than fear, of generosity rather than greed, of life rather than death. We’re invited to come to our senses!

What if we choose to believe this truth? What if that leads us to be people who enjoy the moment rather than endure it? What if we’re people who dare to admit we’ve had a good day rather than list all the occasions where it was a bit full on? What if we’re people who look for the opportunities within our hectic schedules to enjoy all that there is and in doing so realise that some things can wait? What if believing there is enough in our world for everyone means we genuinely start to look for opportunities to share more fairly? What if believing there isn’t a lack means we don’t need to stockpile at the expense of others because we will all get a share? What if somewhere in the extravagance of the pinecone there’s an invitation to life in all it’s fullness, to a life of richness and meaning that’s not based on material wealth but on an unending supply of all that we really need!